I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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