We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
