You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize