If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
