I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.â€
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