It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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