Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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