I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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