I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
