Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize