is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
