Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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