So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
this must be what syphilis tastes like
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
