I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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