I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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