its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
