Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
