His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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