he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
