8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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