It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
