My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
