Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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