he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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