I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
