You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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