So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
