so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
