rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
