i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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