If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
