we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
