Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Someone signed my nipple.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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