careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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