They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
