sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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