Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
