Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
