So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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