Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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