he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize