just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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