Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
