I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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