Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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