Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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