I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Farmville is her only friend.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
