Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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