i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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