Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I didn't notice because vodka
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
