I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize