I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
