wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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