i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
