he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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