good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
