Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
