this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
