Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
