I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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