I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize