I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I forget how to act sober
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
