honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
