I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
